Dealing With Overthinking and Social Insecurities

Embarrassment, worry and insecurity can plague us. But the Bible has practical tips for defeating such overthinking.

We can be our own worst enemy, all because of our thoughts.

The teenage years—and even young adulthood—can feel like some of the most isolating times in life. At a younger age, our minds are more emotion-driven, shaping our decisions and perceptions of the world.

You’ve probably heard from your parents or teachers that your brain won’t fully develop until around age 25—which is true in terms of physical development.

Teenagers process embarrassment differently than adults do. While adults primarily use the prefrontal cortex, the brain’s rational decision-making center, teenagers rely more on the amygdala, which is responsible for processing emotions. This difference explains why teens often react more emotionally to social situations.

For this reason, reactions in our early 20s are often based on emotions. As we age, we gain more experience and maturity, which can help us react and make decisions more rationally. Until then, we are stuck with a still-developing prefrontal cortex and an overactive amygdala that stimulates overthinking.

Between the ages of 12-18, we are finding our place and gaining independence from our parents, wondering how the world works and how best to navigate it.

One of the most significant barriers to this discovery is insecurity and embarrassment, specifically triggered by overthinking. Overthinking describes the mental process of excessively analyzing and worrying about a situation or a decision. It can often lead to decision paralysis when we think so long and hard about something that we struggle to act. 

When we overthink, it’s hard for us to take action like we would if our heads were clear.

Two sides of social awareness

Social awareness sounds like a superpower, but it can just as easily act as kryptonite.

When we are socially aware, we are more prone to analyzing our every interaction. Did I say something stupid? Was I standing awkwardly? Will the other person ever talk to me again? Should I just hide in my room and delete all my social media?

Teenagers are already trying to figure out how to behave in society, so adding potentially embarrassing situations and too much social awareness can make life even more difficult. 

We can start making decisions based on what others do. It can be easier to follow and avoid embarrassment. Further, because we make decisions based on emotions rather than logic, we don’t give enough thought to how our decisions will affect our future selves. We might miss out on good friendships by choosing a bad crowd of friends.

If its any comfort, others are having the same struggles. 

Just as we can exercise our muscles to get stronger, we can exercise our minds to grow stronger and have more control.

Thankfully, we have a guidebook for these situations: the Bible.

Biblical tips for dealing with overthinking and social insecurities

The Bible provides guidance to help us strengthen our minds and not give in to the insecurities we can face as teenagers. When you find yourself overthinking—perhaps obsessing at night about an embarrassing situation—remember the following:

1.  Guard your thoughts.

Satan will do anything to make you feel that you need to cave in to social pressure or that you are inferior.

Philippians 4:7 reminds us that the peace of Christ will guard our minds. He is our protector against Satan, if we allow His Spirit to guide us.

2.  Do not worry about tomorrow.

Overthinking can be a symptom of being insecure as we grow up. While it’s wise to think of the consequences of our actions, we must also trust that God will provide for our needs. “Sufficient for the day is its own trouble,” Christ said in Matthew 6:34. “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow.”

You will be fed. You will be clothed. You will wake up. Seek God, and you will be okay.

3. Focus on the good.

When we’re feeling particularly emotional or down, we must refocus on life’s good things. Philippians 4:8 emphasizes meditating on what is true, noble, just, pure, lovely, of good report, virtuous and praiseworthy.

Focus on your good friends, that God is always there for you, that you’re breathing, that you have a purpose with your Creator.

4.  Avoid putting yourself down.

You matter no less than the next person who seems to have it all together. Do not forget your unique worth as a child of God.

5. Patiently search for your crowd.

When you do find a good group of friends, talk to them. As you build strong friendships, you should be able to open up about your worries (Galatians 6:2; Ecclesiastes 4:9-10).

Take a look at “Six Characteristics of Biblical Friendship” to find this group if you are struggling to identify who is a true friend.

Sometimes one friend is all you need to feel safe.

6.  Do not compare yourself to others.

Jesus Christ is our example, not the girl or boy next door.

7.  Remember who your God is and stay true to Him.

God sees you; He knows you have serious thoughts. Give Him your burdens (Matthew 11:28-30; Isaiah 41:13).

God’s grace is greater than any concerns we may have.

Overthinking begins where our confidence ends

The greatest thing we can do to overcome social insecurity is to evaluate ourselves confidently, recognizing that our fears often stem from worrying about others’ negative opinions. If we feel shame, it should only be for violating God’s Word. Are we putting others down? Are we breaking any of God’s laws?

While science can explain why many teenagers feel lost, that doesn’t mean you have to be one of them. Romans 12:2 reminds us not to conform to the world but to be transformed with God’s help. God created you for more than just the physical realm—He designed you to be part of His family.

So don’t let fear of tomorrow or embarrassment hold you back. Greater things await.

This blog post is a starting point, not a complete solution. Our emotional and spiritual maturity can increase as our prefrontal cortex develops and our understanding of God’s plan increases.

In the meantime, there will always be days when it is hard to overcome embarrassing moments or doubts about one’s place in the world. Adults, too, struggle with these issues, even when they understand God’s plan. There is no easy answer for overthinking.

But you can pray. Pray for God’s peace to dwell in you and to help you slow down your mind so you can focus on good things.  

For more helpful information, see “How to Overcome Overthinking.”

Photo credit:
iStock.com/Daisy-Daisy