Why Can’t I Talk?

Why does it feel like I can’t say what I want to say, regardless of how hard I try? Could it be that my biggest enemy is . . . myself?

We’ve known how to talk since childhood. Still, do you ever find yourself stumbling over your words or, at times, not knowing what to say? I know that I have felt that way. In time, I came to realize that I was the cause of my speaking struggles.

People often fail to realize that speech isn’t an automatic human ability. To grow in this area—and be helpful to those you’re speaking to—requires thought, planning and self-observation. 

While I’m certainly not as proficient with speech as I’d like, the following pointers have helped me grow in this area. 

Slow down!

Speaking too fast used to be the most noticeable issue with my speech. It not only made my words harder to understand but also gave me less time to organize my thoughts before speaking. Listening to someone who talks too fast can be exhausting, requiring extra effort to grasp what they’re trying to communicate.

Speaking at a more moderate pace, however, not only increases your clarity but also the flow of your speech. Of course, speaking too slowly can also be a problem, so it’s important to find a balance.  

Timing is everything

Another common challenge, and one I’m still working on, is knowing when to speak. It’s important to remember that sometimes you don’t need to say anything at all. I’ve had far more regrets about blurting out something without thinking than about choosing to stay silent.

Proverbs 17:28 tells us that a fool who remains silent is seen as perceptive. That is, someone who says nothing has nothing to be judged by. Remember that speech isn’t just talking; it’s also about knowing when to practice silence.  

Pride before the fall

I’m sure we can all recall a time when we hastily made a promise we couldn’t keep or spoke too confidently about something we couldn’t actually do. This not only relates to knowing when to speak and when to stay silent, but also to the danger of letting pride creep into our speech.

Over time, I’ve found that pride only makes me more vulnerable to criticism. No one would criticize you for not being able to do 20 push-ups if you didn’t promise you could in the first place.

Ecclesiastes 5:5 tells us that it is better not to make promises in the first place than to make a promise we can’t fulfill.

Being prideful in our speech seldom, if ever, has any benefit.

Take speaking opportunities

Though many actively try to avoid speaking opportunities, the best way to improve your speaking ability is through public speaking. This doesn’t mean you have to push yourself to speak at every event, but if you’re open to public speaking opportunities, they will come along.

Throughout school, I participated in many group projects that required a speaking representative, which gave me valuable practice. I have continued to work on projects involving group presentations, even in college.

We can also practice speaking by engaging with people we don’t know—a key aspect of public speaking and networking. In your local congregation, there are likely several people you’ve never spoken to. Talk to them! Additionally, this practice isn’t limited to church services; you can apply it at school, work or anywhere you can strike up a conversation.

In short, the more you practice, the more naturally it’ll come to you.

Take note of others

I’m sure we can all think of characters—real or fictional—with speaking abilities that we’d love to have. Study them and note their speaking patterns. How often do they fluctuate their voice? At what rate do they speak? Do they use long pauses or speak at a steady rate?

If you admire someone’s speech, try to learn from his or her methods and make them your own.

Remember this: anyone can talk, but speech is an art that takes persistent effort and time.

Speech, especially public speaking, becomes more natural with practice. Just remember to slow down, speak only when necessary and carefully consider your words before opening your mouth. 

Mastering speech is a process, not an overnight transformation. Like any skill, it requires patience, practice and a willingness to learn from both successes and missteps.