The Importance of Having the Same Beliefs in Romantic Relationships

How important is it that people in a romantic relationship have the same religious beliefs? Is it truly significant in the lives of Christians?

A few years ago, I met a guy that I initially thought of as just a “friend.” After some time, our friendship developed into something more.

In the initial months, when we were separated by hundreds of kilometers and able to get together only once or twice a month for shared dinners, I struggled to comprehend certain aspects of his life. He grew up in the Church (and I didn’t), and I couldn’t grasp the reasons he avoided certain activities on Friday nights and Saturdays.  

Due to numerous differences and debates that escalated into arguments, we were on the brink of going our separate ways. We focused on understanding one another better. Eventually, I asked if he could provide some reading materials so I could better understand his beliefs. 

Over the course of time, not only did I begin to understand why he believed as he did, I began to understand the truths of the Bible myself and began to live this way of life myself. It was only when we were on the same page spiritually that our relationship really started to develop into something serious.  

Given my intention to marry someday, I also became intrigued by reading Bible verses that uphold relationships and marriages. This led me to consider what the Bible says about dating and marriage, particularly between believers and unbelievers. 

Why do we date?

In the long run, Christians date with marriage in mind. Marriage ranks as the second most significant relationship a person can have, after our relationship with God. Considering the gravity of this intention, the dating stage must be approached with significant contemplation, attention and reverence.

But when we consider whom to marry, we should naturally want to marry someone who believes the same fundamental things we do. Reading the Bible, praying, believing the same doctrines, attending church and serving others should be at the core of our shared values. 

Not only should we see the importance of that, but we should also recognize that God commands us to marry “only in the Lord” (1 Corinthians 7:39). Marriage is for life, so we should want someone who shares and practices our beliefs.

Relationships in the Bible

The Bible talks about marriage as a special promise made in front of God (Malachi 2:14). Once a man and a woman get married, neither should break the union God recognized. 

Consider two stories about marriage in the Bible.

Isaac and Rebekah’s relationship is found in the book of Genesis. Isaac’s dad, Abraham, sent his servant to find a good wife for Isaac. The servant met Rebekah and, because of God’s guidance, knew she was the right one. She agreed to marry Isaac, showing how she believed in God’s plan, even in an arranged marriage. Their story is about trusting God’s guidance.

The second story is about Ruth and Boaz. Ruth left her homeland and went to Bethlehem with her mother-in-law Naomi after their husbands had died. Ruth worked in Boaz’s fields, and he was kind to her. Naomi thought they could be more than friends and advised Ruth about what to do. Ruth’s courage and Boaz’s good character led them to get married. This story shows loyalty, kindness and how good things can come from relationships.

Both stories highlight different aspects of relationships, such as trusting in God’s plan, being loyal and having good character to build strong connections.

Is it biblical to date an unbeliever?

Sometimes people are called through someone else’s example, but a concern can arise about whether the person is genuinely embracing Christianity or is merely complying due to the believer’s influence. 

Sometimes we can’t even be sure whether God is calling the individual.

Paul gives the advice that we are not to be “unequally yoked together with unbelievers” (2 Corinthians 6:14). Many in the world are “unbelievers” and will remain that way because God has chosen not to call them yet. John 6:44 reminds us that we do not possess the power or ability to convert anyone. God is the One who calls.

Why is dating an unbeliever challenging?

1. The inability to understand our faith. Christianity isn’t merely a religion; it’s a way of life. The biblical rules and guidelines carry more weight than just preferences or traditions. If two people’s belief systems aren’t aligned, it can significantly affect the outcome of the relationship. Unbelievers might ask believers to forsake their faith to prove their love. Yet genuine believers understand that their love for God must surpass their love for anyone else (Matthew 10:37).
2. Dealing with differences. Having different religious beliefs will lead to disagreements, particularly when building a family. Take parenting as an example. The believing parent will want to instill Christian values and teachings, like attending church, praying before meals and deciding what is appropriate and inappropriate entertainment. This can cause conflict in child rearing, because addressing these differences requires mutual agreement between parents. Marrying someone who shares your faith will make it easier for you to raise your children in God’s ways (Proverbs 22:6).
3. Potential disagreements. Differences in worship practices can lead to disagreements regarding taking time off for religious festivals. The Bible underscores that marriage goes beyond physical attraction and romance; it signifies unity before God. When individuals don’t share the same beliefs, it can lead to persistent conflicts concerning religious beliefs and practices.

The Bible discourages people from dating those who don’t share the same beliefs, and there’s a valid reason for that. Marriage is a significant commitment that shouldn’t be taken lightly. Both individuals must hold the same beliefs, because shared beliefs will deeply influence their lives as a married couple.  

So, if you’re considering dating or marrying someone with a different faith, you should deeply consider what the Bible teaches and pray to God about it. 

This could help you avoid making a decision you’d regret down the line.  

To learn more about the biblical principles of dating, read our series of articles on dating on LifeHopeandTruth.com.

Rizza Villanueva attends the North Luzon, Philippines, congregation of the Church of God, a Worldwide Association.