How to Handle Being the Only Teen in Your Congregation

Many teens are in congregations where there are no other teens. How can you maintain a positive mindset when you don’t have peers in your home congregation? 

Teens need social interaction with others who are the same age, so growing up in a congregation alone—with no other young people your age—can be a trial. It can seem as if there is nobody who gets you.

What can you do if you find yourself in this situation? 

Many in the Church of God today are growing up in congregations where there are few, if any, teens. I myself experienced this. I know it can be lonely, and sometimes you can feel defeated. However, these negative feelings don’t have to be the end of the story. 

The importance of mindset

A fact of life is that we can choose our attitude and response to any situation we encounter. One of the most essential life skills is focusing on the positive opportunities and blessings (what you can do), rather than fixating on the negatives (what you can’t do).

It is all about mindset. 

One key to dealing with this situation is to shift from an inward focus (thinking only of yourself) to having an outward focus (thinking of others). 

Paul wrote in Philippians 2:3, “Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself.” 

We live in a culture that encourages us to get what we want now. However, we grow in godly character and happiness when we focus on others. 

Changing my mindset was the key that helped me transform my attitude during my teen years when I was isolated from others my age in God’s Church. 

Did it take time? Yes. Was it worth it? Absolutely. 

As an “only teen” in your congregation, make it your goal to focus outwardly. But how can you do that? Let’s dive into practical suggestions for how you can start focusing on blessings and opportunities in your church area instead of just focusing on being the only teen.

Find ways to serve

Serving is a wonderful way to focus on others. It allows us to help others in our local congregation, while also improving our mindset and attitude.

Romans 12:10 states, “Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves” (New International Version). This helps alleviate the stress of constantly thinking about our own situation and diminishes a selfish attitude. 

In every congregation, there are serving opportunities. These include setting up and taking down equipment, setting up and cleaning up for potlucks or snacks, door greeting, handing out hymnals, asking people to sign cards for those who are sick, etc. 

Some service opportunities require more skill or experience. Even though you are young, you can find service areas that reflect your strengths and abilities. Look for ways you can serve using the gifts and talents that God gave you. 

Here are some examples:

• If you have an interest or skill in technology, see if you can help with video, sound and webcasting. 
• Or maybe you have a talent in the visual arts or writing. You could try making cards for the sick, widows or others who need encouragement. 
• Do you love cooking or baking? Why not supply tasty foods for snacks or as gifts for shut-ins? 
• If your artistic skills extend to singing or playing an instrument, you could accompany hymns, perform special music or join the choir.

We all have a duty to use our skills and abilities to serve one another and benefit the Church. Romans 12:3-8 describes us all as different parts of one body, each with our own unique gifts. 

Don’t give up if you don’t feel that you have a natural skill to offer. You can always learn new skills. You have many loving brethren who can teach you. Perhaps you’ll even discover new hidden talents!

If you are apprehensive or unsure about how to serve, ask what you can do. This is an excellent first step.

Find ways to communicate with the brethren

Spending more time fellowshipping with the brethren (of all ages) is a form of service. Sometimes the best way to serve someone is by giving him or her your time and energy. It is crucial to change your perspective from thinking, “I have no friends,” “I’m bored” or “There isn’t anyone to talk to” to “Wow! I have a whole congregation of people with different life experiences whom I can meet, serve and learn from!”

As a young person, you may not fully appreciate the opportunities to fellowship with brethren older than you, whether they are young adults, middle-aged or elderly members.  

Adults (especially elderly members) are often very happy when a younger person shows genuine interest in talking with them and asking about their lives. Greet your brethren with a warm smile and good conversation every Sabbath!

You will also likely benefit from this. You can learn much from the wisdom and life experiences of those who have lived many years. You can listen intently, drawing out points for living a successful life as well as learning mistakes to avoid.

We can draw from others’ years of wisdom and build strong relationships while doing so.

Find ways to communicate with Church teens

You may ask, “How do I do this if I don’t have teens in my congregation?” One way is to take advantage of the activities we have in the Church. 

In other words, do things! 

Meet other teens at the annual feasts of God. Get involved in church functions like COGWA Youth Camps, the Winter Family Weekend and regional proms. Continue attending these events with your family to build those relationships. Check out the new LIFT program, where you can learn about God’s way of life on a personal journey while connecting with other teens in the Church.

Don’t stop with meeting friends in person. We live in a world where we’re connected more than ever before. It’s a blessing to have the technology that allows us to text, call and video chat with others. 

Take advantage of that blessing. 

When you don’t see friends or other teens weekly at Sabbath services, it can be easy to slip into the mindset that “nobody wants to be friends with me” or “I have no friends in the Church.” I had those negative thoughts creep into my mind at times.

Schedule a time to call friends. Ask your parents to drive to another congregation to see other teens. Be the person who reaches out to others. This will strengthen your relationships, keep you in a positive mindset and help someone else who may also be an “only teen.” 

Take it from me, someone who went from being in a congregation the size of my family plus a few others to being in one of the largest congregations in the Church. It feels great to be around so many people of all ages, including many young adults, teens and children! It is a blessing many congregations don’t have. 

But as we have seen, small congregations have many opportunities for love, growth and service. 

Don’t forget the many blessings you do have. You aren’t alone. Reach out. Connect with people of all ages. Take action to think outwardly, serve and make the most out of your tiny church family!