Character Is What’s Cool

Times and cultures change, but cool remains the same. Or does it? Is cool being hijacked?

Our oldest son turned 13 last year. His coming of age is bringing back all those forgotten memories from my own teenage years. Somewhere my own mother’s words—“I hope you have a teenager just like you when you grow up”—are ringing faintly in my ears. Don’t tell her, but she has gotten her wish.

While Xbox may have replaced the Atari, and iPhones are the new Walkman, one thing has not changed: You gotta be cool. In the teenage universe, life revolves around being cool. It’s one of the most important things.

Just like in my day and every generation before, there is a long, complex, changing, intuitive list of what’s cool and what isn’t. Instagram, the retro picture guys bought out by Facebook this month for $1 billion? Yeah, that’s cool. Dad reading your texts? Not cool. Clothes from Abercrombie & Fitch? Cool. Mom making one young man pull those pants up to the waist? Not cool.

I know, I know … we didn’t have ye olde cellular technology in my day and, yes, it’s true that parachute pants had so many belts and zippers they could never actually fall below the waist. But many elements of what is considered cool have always been around. Cool has always had a consistent theme regardless of the year or culture of the day.

Cool being hijacked?

But for some, “cool” has morphed into something new. Something seemingly easy, but insidious. Think about what words often get used nowadays in the place of cool: relaxed, chill, laid-back or, for the well-heeled reader among us, nonchalant.

Being cool is being hijacked by apathy. By not trying. It’s not just the old “I’m too cool to do my homework, because I’m gonna get a job at the car shop” variety. Now sometimes it’s the “I’m too cool to do anything” kind.

Study for a test? No way. Try out for the basketball team? Forget it. Practice a musical instrument? Boring!

Gifted athletes don’t want to be seen putting too much effort into perfecting their talent. They are obviously good, but they don’t want to be seen to be trying too hard. Trying to make too many baskets or being too good on the cheerleading squad seems overzealous. Some feel like it’s better to score a couple goals, or kind-of know a routine, from sheer talent, rather than perfect the skill with practice and diligence.

In class, it seems better to get a “B” without studying than an “A” with earnest effort. Those who apply themselves with drive and determination are labeled nerdy.

Why stress out?

Why stress out? Why have all the drama and angst? Just try a little and not a lot, we are led to believe. That’s where cool often resides today. We admire genetic talent but deride practiced skill. We worship the appearance but not the effort. We like the show but not the practice.

As a result, many teens have been tricked into focusing on the wrong thing.

The right thing

What we are really talking about, after all is said and done, is character. Not the ephemeral and hip. But the real and foundational. One writer, Helen Keller, who many teens must read while in school, once said: “Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experiences of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired and success achieved.”

Helen was talking about working earnestly for something desired. She was deaf and blind, so she certainly knew all about applying one’s self in order to achieve results.

Character is “the stable and distinctive qualities built into an individual’s life which determine his response regardless of circumstances” (American Dictionary of the English Language).

Character is not what you do when everyone is watching to see if you are cool or not. It’s what you do when no one is watching. It’s who you really are. And, whether you develop good or bad character, whether you try hard or just skate by, everyone will eventually see the results and see who you really are.

What do you want them to see?

God cares about your character—and about you!

The Holy Bible has much to say about how to act as teenagers—even addressing the “too cool for school” issue.

In Ecclesiastes 9:10, wise King Solomon was inspired by God to write: “Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with your might.” God has given us all talents and skills to practice and perfect. He wants us to develop those talents and experience the joys of success stemming from effort and vision.

It would be a waste of God-given talents to succumb to being too cool to care or too cool to try to be successful at something. God wants us to experience life, to apply ourselves. He cares about each of us—He cares about you. And He wants you to care in return.

It’s cool to be cool. I did it, and you’re gonna do it too, just like your kids will one day too. (I hope they are just like you.) But don’t be tricked into trying to be too cool to care or too cool to work to achieve success.

This life is ultimately about developing godly character—being like the coolest being in the universe—so go out there and build yours.

Godly character will be eternally cool.

Cliff Demarest is a member of the Church of God, a Worldwide Association, in Dallas, Texas.

For more about godly character:

• Godly Character: A Painting Worth Displaying
• Spiritual Report Card
• Becoming Gold: Refining Our Spiritual Character